I have a lot of homework to do tonight. I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed with everything I have to do including in the future.
I had a conversation with my boyfriend and his mom. I was talking about what I needed to do for school, and his mom mentioned that I've been working since the summer with online classes too, and how she was very impressed. It made me realize I haven't really had a break from school in so long. They both praised me for it a bit too, and it felt oddly validating. I felt a little weird after, like guilty. I have nothing to be guilty about, so I don't know why it's been on my mind since that conversation happened.
I've been kind of getting out of an episode. The past two weeks, I've been really out of touch with reality, or maybe a bit too in touch. I've been dreading waking up in the mornings to go to school, or to just wake up during the weekends. I want to sleep forever. I can already hear someone in the back of my mind telling me that reality is like this, and that I either have to accept it and hate it, or die. I really like the second option, but I know I can't. I have too many things to do, but I can't help but get the urge to drop everything.
I realize that I'm really pessimistic in these entries. I promise I'm a really nice and optimistic person when it comes to other people's lives, just not mine. I hope I don't seem too pathetic, I'd hate if I seemed that way. Maybe I'm oblivious to my appearance to others, but who cares right now? I care a little, I don't know who is seeing this. That's okay though, I hope that you'll be able to get more of an idea of who I am outside of my mind. I need to do my homework.