When I was younger, maybe younger than 10, I took one of my glittery youth backpacks and I put extra clothes, cans of food, a water bottle, first-aid materials, and a picture of my family into the backpack. I don't remember much since I recently remembered this, but I know that I was scared. Nothing was threating my family or me at the time from what I remember, but I was still scared.
Overtime, my paranoia seems to get worse and worse. When I'm not around anyone, I become hyperobservant of my surroundings. Usually, if I'm around someone or on a call, I'm fine. I remember though, one time in middle school, being on call was also bad. I was huddled in a corner of my room, and I genuinely believed there was a monster or an intruder under my bed or in my closet. My friend at the time tried his best to calm me down, but it didn't help much until I calmed down myself. I sat there for hours until I convinced myself to get up.
I realize that the times where I got so scared of being outside wasn't only because I was little. It's been building up overtime. When I was younger and taking out the trash, I would see people in the corner of my eye try to approach me. I got scared and I could never take out the trash during the night. My sister used to think it was funny how I tried to push the door open to get back in while she held the door closed. She didn't understand how taking out the trash was the worst chore I had. So, she laughed at me.
Hallucinating when I'm alone has become something I'm used to. I'm still scared, but nothing bad has happened. I try not to think about it too much, or else I'll just end up in a loop of checking every inch of my room for anyone that's not supposed to be there. As I'm writing this, I'm becoming scared once again.
I only see figures, usually in the dark with a small light. I hear things too; knocking or shifting. It's scary. But at the same time, what if thinking about it too much makes it worse over time? I hope I didn't cause this for myself. That would just be embarassing.