Hello again, reader. Today, right now, I’m writing at school. I’m usually writing in my room around 9PM-11PM, but I missed writing, I’m writing on my chromebook today, but I’ll be transferring this entry onto my home computer either tonight or tomorrow.
Today is Halloween. I’m going to be going as Doctor Frankenstein and my boyfriend is going to be the creature/monster that Frankenstein created. The costumes won’t be very book-accurate, but I don’t mind too much. I wish I had enough time to think of a different costume. I came up with this idea a week ago.
I feel that I am in a loop with my thought process. “I have a home I want to build in the future” to “the future is too dangerous for me to stay in”. With everything going on, wars, genocide, global climate change, I feel like the world is becoming unnecessarily horrible for me to ever imagine living peacefully. Though, I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks that. Yet, we never seem to learn from our past history how cruel we are. It’s common knowledge that we are killing the planet we were born on, and not enough of us are taking action. Can the sun just blow up already? I’m sick of this place. The people that have the money to help this country aren’t using it for the good of people who are truly dying because of the government we built around us. And, there’s nothing I can do about that except scream my opinion. I guess we’re all doomed.
This all ends up backing up my reasoning to end my own life in the back of my head. As much as I don’t want to think about it, it really does just support more of a reason to get it over with. I guess that makes me weaker than most people, giving up so early just so I can have peace It’s something everyone wants but more people are more patient than me to keep living despite all of the horrible things happening.
I haven’t gotten my homework done in a while. Everytime I fall behind, I wonder what I will ever be capable of doing. Maybe, I could design something that would help marine life, or help the atmosphere, get more LEED buildings up. But, that requires growing up, going to college, having an ambition to live.
If anything, I want to contribute something, anything, before I die. Maybe, my writings can help that fact. Though, I don’t think it would make any effect to the world unless someone studies how gen z teens are being affected by war—but that would just apply to the children that witnessed the world wars. Is there correlation? I can’t focus very well on my questions in a loud classroom.
edit nov 2, 2025 - I wrote this during school so my thoughts were most likely very scrambled.
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