Recently, I've gotten closer and closer to this boy. I'm going to call him M.
I met him a while back, freshman year. We haven't really interacted much other than a small hi or something similar, until we were placed into the same art class with 6 other people. My entire art class is filled with amazing people, very kind and interesting. He's one out of the two boys in the class, and we all get a long fairly well—to the point that our teacher had to seperate us into 8 different tables, one person each.
M is very funny, and also genuinely a good and sweet person. We get along because we have a very similar sense of humor and we're in a lot of the same fandoms. We enjoy bickering like siblings, always making fun of each other with no harm intended. We're always messing around, yelling at each other, pulling at each others' backpacks. We've become a slight duo, I think. Unless he doesn't think of us like that. He's shifted into me and my friends' lunch group, starting to sit with us as well. It's become more fun for me at least to have him sit with me and my friends during lunch. Though, I have another friend—that may or may not be too fond of him—who sits with us during lunch too. I haven't been able to figure that out yet, I hope he doesn't think M is too energetic. That might cause problems because everyone else in our group seems to enjoy M's presence.
I really like M, I'm starting to feel safe around him and it's really rare for me to feel that. I only feel that way around two other people, though even then, I'm careful about how I approach them too. When my dog died, I was very close to telling M how I felt about the whole situation—about to tell him exactly what happened (I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but the whole situation was very, very upsetting to deal with because my parents handled it very poorly). But, in the end, I still got scared about feeling vulnerable around him.
I think I'm starting to consider him a best-friend now, but I'm scared he doesn't see me that way. We talk everyday—mostly about our interests—but he keeps referencing this girl he calls his "home-girl". I'm not jealous, I'm just worried I'm not as close to him than I think because there's already someone close to him. I feel stupid saying that, of course M can have multiple close friends, but I still feel worried! Don't laugh at me, reader.
He's genuinely so nice, and I can't help but feel close to him. I think I see him more as a brother more than anything. I REALLY HOPE I DON'T SEE HIM IN A ROMANTIC WAY. I don't think I do, but that's scary to think about. I'm settling it, he's a brother. I think that would make sense when putting it into context of the situation I have with my older sister. I always kind of felt like an only child. I never really felt too supported by my two older sisters, even if they say that they are. I always felt more mature than one of them, and more childish than the other. It's a mess I'm not sure I'm ready to face right now.
He seems to truly care about me. He's noticing when I get quiet around the group. He's noticing. He's actually noticing and it's making me panic. I was having a crisis a few weeks ago during lunch, so I was just on my phone—zoning out with music playing in my airpod—while everyone else was talking. He noticed and I noticed he noticed, then he asked me if I was okay—which made everyone else notice. Of course, I said I was fine, but I felt almost validated. It was such a good feeling, I hate my life so much why am i loike this aiofshugbhery89fdguib3p0eruijoø¨ª•¥©¥´∫∑ˆ˙∆˜ø∂πß fuck