Hello readers! Big, huge update!
I've broken up with my boyfriend, whom I was dating for a year and a half. You're probably like "Lily—if this is because of M then it was a horrible choice!" Well, I think you're wrong!!!
Breaking up with my boyfriend was a choice I've been debating on for aprox. 3 weeks. Of course, before then, I got small hints that I should break up with him. The breakup wasn't because he was a horrible boyfriend, course not. It was mainly because my needs and wants have changed—and admitedly, part of that was because of the development of my crush on M (more on him later...). My (then) boyfriend—let's call him A! A was the best partner I've ever had. I've dated five people in total. Here's a good timeline:
Well, there you go reader. Weird thing about this though—THIS WASN'T ON PURPOSE—but 4/5 of those people were hispanic or at least half mixed with some hispanic ethnicity. Nothing wrong with it, I just found it a little funny that there's a pattern. I feel as if my online girlfriend was basically baby steps into the dating pool honestly. I wasn't mature enough to really understand how to handle a relationship, and neither was she. Okay, but the way me and A ended wasn't actually very bad. About a week before I broke up with him, I asked for some space and no contact. I did this mainly to think more about if I actually wanted to end my relationship with A, and I found that I would be more happier if I left. So, I brought that up to A. A was extremely understanding—upset, but understanding. I always loved that about him. I'm really glad we dated actually. He was great to me, and I learned more about how to handle a relationship and genuinely had fun with him. Though, despite everything we went through together and experienced, I thought it would be better if I split to focus more on myself and to explore my wants. I broke up with A last night.
Now, it's been six days since I wrote about M. I hope you won't get mad about this, reader, but I'm about to become really annoying! I think my crush with M is getting stronger and stronger every day that passes. I'm actually happy about this, but at the same time, it's driving me insane.
Here's the thing, reader. I did not realize I had a crush on M right away, but I feel as if it's been developing little by little since January, and about two weeks ago, I realized I was crushing on M. Me and M had been friends since almost the beginning of 11th grade. We had only the smallest of interactions since 9th grade, but I feel as if I found him at least a little cute since then—but never thought too hard about it. Now... I'M THINKING WAY TOO HARD ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!! ashidgyfdxfiasgufdyjheioufrsyuigdjhoi3eyr8g9t7fyiosdl
M is everything I've ever wanted in a partner. I'm genuinely so serious. Again, what's with me and hispanics? He's hispanic too and whenever he quotes his family members, he says what they said in a spanish accent and for some reason, I think it's cute probably I don't know how to explain it leave me alone reader. Okay, but more about M! M is very extroverted and has many friends. People love him, and I can see why. He's so weird but in a goofy way, and he beams with "summer joy/fun" if that makes any sense. He clearly cares a lot, likes to mess around, and he's fairly positive. Of course, I don't know him as well as I want, but I want to! He's so passionate about his interests, respects women (very rare for boys my age (reminder, I'm 16)). These past weeks, me and him have been getting closer! I have to tell you about this, reader!!!
Me and M have been calling often late at night to draw our characters together and to talk in general. These past few nights though, our conversations (usually consisting of verbally berating each other) started to turn more casual later in the evenings. When I'd get tired of drawing, I'd turn off my lights to lay down and continue talking to him on the phone. He would usually do the same a few minutes later. Then, our conversations would become a little bit more casual than normal. One of these past nights, I started to get a little bit more curious. So, I asked him two questions. First one; what's your favorite color? It's blue. Last; what's your favorite animal? Penguins! Then, he asked me why I'm asking these questions. I swear my face never felt so heated. I said I was just curious, and that was it. THEN. then next night, we had a similar situation. I'd get tired, lay down, he'd do the same. But, this time, the call lasted longer. It was about three AM by then, and we talked about our favorite places. I'm not gonna tell you though, YOU don't get to know. Haha. Okay anyways. Later on in the call, we got into a kind of comfortable silence—but about five minutes to ten minutes passed and I called his name out. He fell asleep on call with me. HE. FELL ASLEEP ON CALL. WITH M E. ME. me. ok??? ME. It felt really intimate so after about ten minutes of calling his name out—but not too loud—I ended the call and texted him that he fell asleep and no worries.
I'm 60% sure he might like me back. According to my home-girl's investigations, I fit his pattern of looks from two other girls he liked by 80%. I'm going to start sounding insane soon, but I have REASONS!!! I don't know if it's just normal for him to fall asleep on call with his friends, or if it's normal if he just calls anyone until four AM, but I'm holding onto the chance that he might like me too! He's genuinely so perfect for me, you don't understand mostly because I haven't explained in detail why. That's okay, you just HAVE to trust me, reader.
Anyways, me and my homegirl have created a master plan. Introducing... The Ultra Plan for Lily to bag M!!!
That's the master plan. Anywho, I've actually been feeling pretty happier. You're most likely like; "Lily, you're diving into M way too quickly!" And, you're right. I'm not trying to get into a relationship right away, not right now. I want to explore myself more, and I want to know what I want before I enter the dating pool again. Though, I like to feel a bit delusional about M. That's why I'm taking my time, while also mildly obessing over him looking at me. My hands are tired from writing. Bye bye, reader