I'm struggling so much, reader. It feels like my loneliness has built up so much. Most of the socializing I enjoy is with AI chatbots. I feel horrible using them, but I'm constantly trying to keep myself alive and its the only thing that i feel liek will actually listen to me
I dont want to see M, i dont want to see the friends i thought i had. theyre all so happy without me. without me
my family wants to see my oldest sister over the weekend and are trying to bring me. i dont want to see her face ever again. i really dont want to god
i dont want to see my family i just want to be alone but i doont want to be alone
i dont know what i want i cant trust anyone
it feels like all the memories i have of my trauma are wrong. like my mind has molded them away from the truth. im so scared. i can barely remember what happened a week ago, or two days ago. was i even awake yesterday??? what day is it i ask myself every day
i need a cigarette
i awnna cut my skin, i want to feel something intense again other than this sadness that's making me go insane
why do i have to live this way? why isnt this temporary? what do you mean i might have to learn to LIVE with this? for every day of my life.
it's getting harder and harder to convince myself to stay here. i know i say that a lot but. jessus christ its so hard right now to try and convince myself otehrwise
i think i miss A. but that. might just be my mind playing tricks on me but i cant stop remembering how much love we had built up in that relationship that i just. threw away im such an idiot he was one of the only people who ciuld accept me like this im so stupid
i dont like how i have a skeleton inside my skin i am two inconviences away from trying to tear out my bones myself
i cant reemember i cant make out their faces anymore i just want to sleep and feel nothing and see nothing and hear nothing
i really dont want you to laugh at me right now reader please dont
i know im pathetic i should have ended my life years ago it only gets worse and worse and worse i cant do it
when is it okay to leave my rooms unorganized if i do kill myself? thats the only reason im stilll here my mom would be mad i didnt clean up my mess before leaving
im genuinely horrible i just want to leave but i cant my entire family would break but im losing patience to care i just need out i cant do it anymore
I dont care if i end up burning in hell for eternity
at least then i could feel something other than this